Life: Decisions that rule my life

I've been thinking a lot recently about how I seem to be trapped without freedom to explore who I am. Strange thing is that it's the trap that keeps me sane. So i've been considering the 3 decisions i've made in my life that brought me to the trap. Note, the trap isn't all bad, in fact it has many, many advantages and is probably the reason i'm alive or have not committed a crime.
So decision 1: don't drink.
My childhood wasn't great. I wasn't loved and my fathers idea of raising a child was control through applied aggression. Most of the time, you could avoid him by making sure you were either working (on chores or homework) or being elsewhere so your prescence didn't remind him of what a failure you were. Most of the rest he just ignored you.
The one time you couldn't avoid him was after he'd had a drink. This was worse than being ignored, he tried to be nice. There was no getting away from him in this mood, he'd follow and try to 'understand' you.
One conversation springs to mind:
Him: why do you help others with their homework/revision?
Me: because to help them, I have to know it myself. Their questions find the gaps in my knowledge.
If my child said that to me (not that I have one), i'd be so proud, but the response was:
Him: That's stupid. Their grades go up whilst yours can only go down. Revise on your own. The only way in life is to beat others, use them and throw them away.
Yup, he wasn't very nice!
I made two decisions that day. I'd never drink, it changes your personality, makes you do things you wouldn't normally do. Plus I fear that his personality is inside me as well and I don't ever want to know it is. So I dont let my control go, whether thru drink or anything else. If he's there, he's buried and he aint coming out.
The second decision that day was to be honest, caring and a all-round nice guy. I go out of my way to help those I care about. The ladies may like bad boys but I can't go there.
Decision 2: go to local uni
This seems condradictory to 1, but worse than my father is a fear of being out there alone. We'd recently moved to a new town and after first moving there I spent 3 months in a new college without saying a word to anyone outside class. Social isolation is horrible, been there and done it. Unfortunately, this meant that whilst my 18-21 yr old peers were out clubbing or having fun and living life, I was either working or in my room. Not good for my social development but I didn't realise the damage until after i'd taken decision 3
Decision 3: houseshare
So after uni, I found a job in london, and moved into a studio apartment, a small one room thing. Not knowing anyone in london I was on my own. Great! But I can't go out. I have no peers, and no confidence to go out on my own. So i'm back in isolation
Then an old school mate gets in touch. He's in london. We meet a few times and decide to rent a flat together. Turned out he couldn't afford the rent, smokes like a trooper with all doors closed and steals from the cupboards! The flat stank! I don't mind if someone smokes but I'd like to be able to see the other end of the room and not smell myself!
So after a year of that I moved in with a platonic female friend. This was in the days before the internet. If I was making the decision today after seeing that there are others like myself out there that I could meet, maybe it'd be different. She'd had a hard life and we'd speny many hours supporting each other, although she doesn't know about my dressing. 17 years later i'm still sharing with her. A colleague once described our relationship as like a marriage without the fun bits. Pretty accurate.
I've supported her with her Depression. Picked up the ball when she couldn't carry it for years after a guy destroyed her and helped her bring up her daughter. Her company has saved me from destroying myself as would have happened if i'd moved into another flat on my own. She's like my big sis, we are a family.
But I still feel alone and am now feeling trapped as I dont want to hurt her. She's vulnerable, the wounds from that guys betrayal may never heal and I will not do anything to hurt her or her daughter.
Thank-you for reading this (if anyone actually does). I know it was long. If you've got this far, I owe you a nice big kiss.
Coleen

Life / Pics: Stop! Police!

So I've been chatting to a certain gentleman on Google. Just exchanging a few emails and dreams, as he's thousands of miles away. At first he was very blokey, sending me pictures of his cock (it looks pretty nice, I must say), so I'm starting to train him to feed the fantasy. A picture of a cock is not a turn on to me, but feed a story or picture around it of where we are and what we're doing and that picture takes on a whole new life.

I don't know what he said, or why I'm feeling this way, but my mind is changing. If you'd asked me a week ago if I'd consider sucking a guy off, i would have said no. Now, I'm not so sure. If he treated me nice, wasn't aggressive and treated me like a lady should be treated, I could now see myself submitting. Dunno if I've been reading too many blogs or what :)

Anyway, I set him a challenge last night to do some thinking and to tell me how he'd like me to dress if he had complete control of me and my wardrobe. I need more clothes, so was hoping for inspiration. I awoke this morning, hoping to find a nice long email containing lots of situations and how he'd like me dressed for them. Unfortunately, he didn't come back with many suggestions, but he did say he'd like to see me as a member of the police. So my friend, do any of these outfits float your boat, so to speak :)

If anyone else would like to inspire me, or have any suggestions to help me on the path to sissyhood, please feel free to comment or mail.

Story: Decisions, decisions - A story

I promised a story based on the Decisions caption I did the other day. Here's the start. Any feedback would be gratefully received.

Dave banged on the back door of the truck but, no matter how hard he banged or how loud he screamed there was either no-one out there or they were ignoring him. He slumped down against the cab wall in despair. Since he'd been thrown in here a few hours ago, he'd had no contact of any kind. He guessed he'd been kidnapped, but he couldn’t think who by or why. He thought back through the last month. What had he done to cause this? Nothing! Sure, he'd made that stupid female graduate cry the other day, but it wasn't his fault she couldn't accept criticism. How hard can it be to remember the quadratic polynomial in that formula she should have been using? Then there was that girl on call of duty a couple of weeks ago. She’d burst into tears down his headset when he'd blamed her for the loss. Bloody women cry at any excuse! He had to admit though, the new graduate was very easy on the eye. Not that he had time for a relationship. He was on his way up. His plan is to create the next big thing, take it to IPO and then retire off the proceeds. Maybe he'll get himself a trophy wife to clean his house and his cock. Now if only he could figure out why he was in this truck. He was starting to worry.

Suddenly there was a hissing noise from somewhere. "What is that?" he wondered, "are they letting the tyres down?". It was too late before Dave realised they were pumping gas into the back of the van. He tried holding his breath but the gas was already in his lungs. The world went dark as he slipped into unconsciousness.

Dave tried to open his eyes, but the light was so bright, the world was a blur. He knew he was lying down and above him was a lady in a surgical mask, wearing glasses. He couldn’t feel anything and was fighting to focus on anything. After a few seconds the darkness took him again.

Dave could hear voices. One of them sounded angry. He opened his eyes to see the doctor talking to a woman in a suit who said "I want it kept. I want sissy to know, every day where she came from. This is a punishment, not a reward." "Yes mistress" was the doctor’s reply. Dave tried to talk but all that came out was a moan. He was still under the influence of whatever drug he'd been given. The doctor heard the noise and stepped over to his bedside and adjusted a drip. With questions raging through him, where was he? what was happening?, Dave managed to say "wha..." before consciousness left him.

The first thing Dave heard was the birds outside. He could tell, even without opening his eyes that he wasn’t in the hospital any more. There was a slight breeze blowing through the room, it was morning and nicely cool but it was going to be a warm day. He stretched his arms above his head, and stretched in that calm feeling between being asleep and being awake. He frowned, he didn’t feel right. There seemed to be a weight on his chest and his hair seemed to be lying over his pillow when it was normally kept short. How long had he been out?

With increasing dread, Dave opened his eyes to find himself lying on a large bed in a small, wooden building or shack that only had the one room. The window was open letting in the fresh air and sound of bird song. The first thing he noticed was that he had breasts "what the fuck is going on?" he said out loud in shock, then gasped as it wasn't his voice either! He sounded like a girl and his long hair. "What happened to me?" he put his hands on his chest to see if they were real. They were, he could feel his hands touching himself. What he wasn't prepared for though was the feelings of pleasure he received when he touched himself. Those tits were so sensitive! A flash of panic spread through him and he quickly put his hands between his legs. "Thank god that's still there" he thought to himself.

To be continued ... 

Life: Slight delay and more for santa

Yesterday I said that I would post a story based on the caption about Sissy Daves decision. Unfortunately I failed to do that.
The story is in progress and Dave is currently undergoing his transformation. Unfortunately, I was so horny the night before that I got no sleep. After work and writing my list to Santa yesterday I was so tired I couldn't continue the story. Fingers crossed i'll get the start posted tonight.
Talking of santa's list I forgot a couple of things:
- Butt plug. Never had one of these but i'm curious as to whether they are pleasurable to wear or not. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone to 'prepare' myself for, so if it's not pleasurable it'll probably only get worn once.
- Chastity cage. Well it's not getting used, so what's the point of having it? It rises up and ruins the line of my clothes and dribbles when i'm excited causing dampness which can be hard to hide if i've been really excited. Could a cage help with this? I've tried a diy job but it was uncomfortable and didn't work. The downside is that they're expensive and I dont know if i'd still have an awkward shape down there that would show through.
Any thought, suggestions, comments?

Life: Sissy's list for Santa

I've been inspired by Sissy Kaaren to create a Christmas list for Santa. Note, I'll say upfront that this is a wish list to give myself ideas and is not, in any way, a plea for donations. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please fire away.

So first on the wish list has to be a magic wand, book, cock, whatever. It would be great for someone to wave a magic item over me and turn me from this middle aged, shy, social awkward wannabe into a young, sexy nymph, so I can find out all about this sex thing I've heard about.

But more realistically, I need clothes. I don't get to dress often but I'd like to feel more feminine when I do. So first on the list is a corset. Something to hold in this extra I have round the middle. Maybe something like http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bslingerie-Womens-Cincher-Corset-Brocade/dp/B0093KUZRG/ref=sr_1_5?s=clothing&ie=UTF8&qid=1386182934&sr=1-5&keywords=corset

I also need panties - can never have enough panties....and stockings. Maybe some of those panties that are a 'webbing' that holds up a small area of fabric around the bum and front, whatever, they're called. Personally, I'm not into tights, they restrict access to the goodies. :)

I'd also like an apron or two. So sexy. http://www.annsummers.com/p/queenie-red/black-apron/01bdsras1039097

Now, outfits. I have a sexy schoolgirl outfit, but anything else is needed. Maybe a maids outfit. I'd love to be able to pull off the business woman or teacher look with a suit, silk blouse and shortish skirt. I'm not sure I have the figure for a dress, but maybe.

What else?
Well, to pull off any femme look, I need makeup and a wig. I'm naturally a sort of dirty blond colour, so may go for a brunette wig of shoulder length hair, a bit like my avatar pic.

How could I forget shoes? It'd have to be some sort of sandal with a heel. i want something femme and light.But not too big a heel until I've learnt how to walk in them.

Have I forgotten anything? Do you have any advice from your experiences in these areas.

That should keep Santa busy. If he brings me all that, he can cum down my chimney as much as he wants

Love Coleen

Caption: Decisions, decisions

Dave couldn't understand what had happened. He'd been kidnapped off the street and told he'd be sold into sissy slavery. They'd then drugged him and he fell asleep. When he woke he was dressed in a light summer dress, his hair was long and he had breasts! He found himself in a shack somewhere where a note read "We've changed your body, now it's time for you to repay our generosity". Then he heard voices, male voices. He wanted to run, but something told him that he was exactly where he wanted to be. Dave knew he had to made a decision immediately. What was he to do?

So, dear reader, do you have any suggestions for Dave?

Caption: On the way to a party

I really need to be doing this more often! For my subscribers, I offer my heartfelt apologies. I will try to do better.

Anyway, here's my next caption

Dave didn't know how this had happened. Six months ago he met an amazing woman in a club took her home. She had immediately realised what and who he really was and had trained him in how to be true to himself. Now he is all dressed up and on his way to his Mistresses party where he will be the entertainment. He couldn't wait.