Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Life: Coming back to life

Those that have followed my g+ antics will know that I vowed to make 2014 my year of change. It's now been over a month since I made this vow to myself, so I thought i'd try to take stock and see where I am.

The new year started with me trying to do more exercise. I had a good run of about 3 weeks in which I speed walked over 60 miles in total. Unfortunately, the weathers been pretty grim recently so i've got a bit out of the habit. Having said that, I weighed myself earlier this week and through the exercise and trying to watch what I eat, i've lost 1/2 stone (3 kgs) in about 6 weeks! That puts me about half way to the upper limit of where I want to be. Result!

My second vow was to learn guitar with the intention of joining some sort of club to meet people. This challenge has had mixed results. I started off all good but learning guitar is quite a chore when you've not got any inspiration or peers you can show your newfound talent. Plus the local council seems to have stopped the music club thing I was looking at. Then I got Rocksmith and the lessons are progressing. It's slow going, but i'll keep at it.

That still doesn't get me away from my hermit-like existence though. But, there have been moves on that front too. Rather than music, I may do an evening course thing in some kind of cooking class starting in April.

All that positive progress would not have been possible without another change I seem to have made. In my g+ profile I state that I don't know my own sexuality. This statement came from the way I was feeling at the time. I was depressed and feeling lonely with zero self esteem. Since joining g+, and actively participating I have met some amazing individuals that have accepted me for being me. The shackles of societies expectations have been thrown off (if only on g+ at the moment) and my true self is coming through.

This new found self-esteem has made me realise that my dressing is a symptom of my feelings towards myself. With an increase in confidence has come a reduction in my desire to dress. I'd like to stress though that I am in no way judging those that do, or those that have been born into the wrong bodies. This is just me working out what's good for me. The trans* people I have met on g+ are amazing. They have gone through similar struggles to me in some ways and have freely given their love and support in some of my darkest hours. I will continue to support them all in their struggles as a whole to be accepted by society and through their individual journeys to find happiness.

I have also met other amazing people and it would be remiss of me not to mention those in the House, especially our own bright Star. Your friendship and love has transformed my life. Thank you all.

One of the most difficult aspects of my journey so far has been my flatmate. She has known me as the down person for 18 years and this desire to improve myself has unsettled her. She knew me as one person and fears the consequences if I become someone else. Her greatest fear being me finding someone and starting a new life that excludes her. We've shared for so long we are really like a partnership and she fears being alone. But she is coming around, and has even spoken to a friend of hers about whether she'd be interested in a date with me. I kind of feel like a 10yr old in school: "go on, you ask her". I guess I am though. I never had an opportunity when I was 10. I'm just 30 years late to that party!

I think that sums up the last 6 weeks. Who knows where the next will take me...

4 comments:

  1. I was worried about you Coleen, I'm so glad to read the upbeat tone of this post! Like I've said to you before...let people in...let them meet the sweet Coleen I've met here!
    You're never too late to the party sweetie!!!
    Don't be such a stranger...you gave me grey hairs..In places I'd rather not discuss!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank-you Kaaren,
      I hope you are well and there have been no more disasters in your life like that basement fire.

      Sorry i've not been around much. To be honest i've been hanging around g+ rather than blogland and must have missed soo many of your awesome posts :(

      I'll try and pop over at the weekend ;) Now i've just typed this, I may pop over sooner. I've come over with an urgent need to know if that fireman came round for dinner and desert :)

      Hope to speak to you soon,
      Coleen

      Delete
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